So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
