Joe is yelling at the trees again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
