oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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