apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
