I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
