do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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