this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
