I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
