i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
one might say we're banned from that church
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
