the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
