cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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