Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
