just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
