anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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