that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
