We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
organizing the empties. That sober.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
