All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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