Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
