As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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