u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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