Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
