Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
