come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
