My room smells like vodka and shame
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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