he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
