i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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