Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
