i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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