Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
