When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
