Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think i got beer on your cat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
