note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
