I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
