once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
