I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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