thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
