Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
that may or may not have been my penis.
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