What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
