Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
