And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
