I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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