i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
