corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
