...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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