we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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