I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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