so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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