Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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