Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
