wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
